Why I Chose to Hop Off the Self Help Train

From the beginning, I’ve intended my brand, Fitness A La Mode to be about living a life of balance while maintaining a healthy life.

It’s been over the past few months I’ve developed my message into something much more. I am passionate about not only how attainable it is to live a healthy and balanced life, but living your BEST life. Being your best you.

A little over a year ago, I was obsessed with self help. I had my hands on a self help book each and every day. I was following a strict morning routine. I was militant about my daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly goals. I was a self help machine.

Now before I go on, I must share that one of my good friends to date is a high performance coach and was actually my coach for quite some time. He might cringe throughout this blog post, but Pete… if you’re reading… hear me out! ๐Ÿ˜‰

I was finishing between 2 and 3 books a month at the time, majority of them different self help books. My favorite of which being The Compound Effect. I also read books like The One Thing, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Grit, You Are a Badass, the list goes on.

The problem with this habit was one thing…

Each book gave a slightly different piece of advice that I latched onto like it was the sole piece of advice needed to follow to reach success.

With all of these different self help books, you could imagine there being some opposing or different tips to follow. Because I took all of them so seriously, I began to develop an internal conflict, not knowing what was most important and what I could drop. It got to the point of attempting to follow every single piece of advice at once, which as you could imagine, drove me crazy.

On top of all of that, it made my mind run like a hamster on a wheel and I seriously overanalyzed each aspect of my life down to the way I held a conversation. I would be getting ready to go to sleep and all I could think about was what I didn’t do that day and what I needed to do the next day to get back on track.

Insane.

It was mentally draining. It was like I was a new gym goer, signing myself up to workout 7 days a week. I would beat myself up with every “task” I missed in my morning routine, or if I didn’t hit my weekly goal for something to hit my monthly goal to hit my quarterly goal to hit my annual goal, I would freak out.

The last self help book I ever read was… (drumroll please)… The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. (Sorry family!)

That book is the best damn self help book there is out there. If you haven’t gotten the chance to read it, I highly suggest it and you must do yourself a favor and purchase it on Audible because it’s much more entertaining to listen to than read.

The first segment that caught my attention was when the author shared why he absolutely hates affirmations. At the time, I was religiously reciting my affirmations in the morning and in my head, I remember thinking hey! That’s untrue!

He shared how affirmations are a self-reminder of what we DON’T have. For example, reciting “I am confident” is a great reminder to yourself of how you lack confidence so much you have to remind yourself to have it. It applies to anything.

Then, the big takeaway from the book was this… we choose what we decide to give a f*ck about. If we’re pissed off the clerk at the grocery store is taking forever to bag your groceries. If you’re mad you’re in traffic. If you’re mad that prospect you thought you had on the hook decided to hold off another year. There is something “sucky” as he calls it in every position we hold in our careers, we just need to decide what is WORTH giving a f*ck about.

To elaborate, I decided in my old position I didn’t want to give a f*ck about reporting to my boss or hitting a certain standard for someone else, so I decided I wanted to give a f*ck about generating enough clientele myself to pay my bills.

I’ve read books since The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, but they have not been self help books, they’ve been about things I want to learn about. My whole purpose in sharing this with you all is to make sure you don’t go down this rabbit hole. It literally felt like an addition and caused a tremendous amount of anxiety over silly things like not meditating, reciting affirmations, or exercising all 6 days as planned.

When I let the self help junkie in myself go, I really began to live my life. There’s no doubt that the consistency I once had in certain aspects of my life has deteriorated a bit, but I’ve been enjoying a happier, more successful, and more balanced life because of it.

I still think it’s extremely important to set goals and make sure you know how the hell you’re going to achieve them. However, it’s also equally as important to not drive yourself mad along the way.

So, if you think you might be in the same boat as I once was, I suggest doing this. Take only a handful of the most important pieces of advice you feel you ever received. For me, that was the following:

  • Success is achieved through small but consistent acts over a period of time instead of significant and sporadic ones. (The Compound Effect)
  • Your attitude towards and the way you were raised to think about money will determine your wealth. (Secrets of the Millionaire Mind)
  • What you are currently experiencing in your life are a direct reflection of your thoughts and actions. (The Secret on The Law of Attraction)
  • Your habits will determine your future (The Compound Effect)
  • Put yourself in an uncomfortable state often so you can grow. (You Are A Badass)
  • Your WHY will get you to the finish line. (Pete Kohlasch)

I’m sure there are many more, but these key nuggets have shaped my philosophy entirely. They are the foundation in my decision-making and shape my outlook on life. However, they don’t give me anxiety or drive me crazy in the way I live my life.

What are some nuggets you’ve taken away from books you’ve read? I’d love to hear, share in the comments below!

One Comment

  1. 110% Agree that you need to drop anything that starts to consume your life. Fitness, food, friendships, work, self help – whatever it is if you can’t find a balance no matter how “healthy” it’s supposed to be it’s not working. So good for you for recognizing that.
    Currently 2 favorite things are “Control your environment or your environment will control you” – How to be Awesome at Your Job Podcast, and the 5 second rule – Mel Robbins.

    Like

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